it's a perfect denial.

gosh.

my head is full of things.

this whole week, only me and my father are going to sahur together in the morning. all my 3 other siblings are sleeping at my auntie's house. that's not the worst part. and everyday, i've to break fast ALONE. my father, as usual, break fast with his marhaban mates like always. my father did asked me to follow him but i declined, i don't know why. well, just gonna stick breaking fast alone at home from now on.

i could follow my siblings and sleep at my auntie's house but i have school. they all are having holidays. but that's not the only reason, the other reason is that, i pity my father. if all of us are sleeping there, who's gonna be at home? only my father? gosh. hell no. so yeah..

my father asked me whether i want to buy new baju kurung anot. i refused. i just don't have the mood to celebrate this year's hari raya. maybe it's better if i stay at home during the whole hari raya.

i miss my mum.

i miss the times during puasa time,

followed her to geylang, to bedok, to interchange, to anywhere,

to buy food for breaking fast.

i miss the times when i helped her prepared the food for breaking fast.

i miss drinking the special teh susu made by her everyday during sahur time.

the hell gates are opened during this month and all the souls are allowed to go back to their respective homes. mum, i know you're watching me, somewhere in this house.

if only, i can hug you, very tightly again.

if only, i can lie on your lap again.

if only, i can laugh with you again.

if only, i can hear you sing again.

if only, i can help you make kuih raya together again.

mum..

and my first ever ITE exams will be on next week.

maths and quality engineering papers.

i'm seriously am gritting my teeth.

quality engineering exam, 9 chapters to learn. the whole book.

167 pages. oh my god..

and yeah, this is the bike i'm gonna get next year! maybe not this colour uhh. maybe blue or white? haha. ^^

maybe you're the one for me.

11:13 PM