it's a perfect denial.

it's officially 1 month since you left us, late mum.
hari raya is only about 10 days more.

i just don't know what to do.

i just need a hug.

few days ago. on thursday, went to break fast with classmates at geylang.

when i was waiting for the train at tampines station, shahid texted me to board the last cabin of the incoming train. he's in the train reaching tamp station from pasir ris station. met him inside the train. then we alighted at paya lebar station and met chaqif. we walked around first before meeting irya and mira. rizwan came later. blabla, break fast, walked around. and i finally got myself a new baju kurung, samping and capal. so, it's gonna be red this year. haha.

i've finished watching the entire season 3 of Supernatural. damn nice. and the first episode season 4 just started a few days ago in the US.

and this girl, Katie Cassidy, played "Ruby" in Supernatural season 3. she's hot uh? haha. and wtf, she no longer act in the series anymore. her role was replaced by Genevieve Cortese. ahh! :(

and just now, Manchester United vs Chelsea. damn it. 1-1. Man United should have won the match. oh well. it's fated.

and my father asked me to get N95. siak ah. i dunwan siol. so big. i just wanna get new phone because my current phone, Nokia 6280, the light spoilt. =l

and damn! ulcers! 3 somemore! 2 on my lower lips and 1 on my upper lip. zzz. luckily, still fasting month, if hari raya, suay ahh.

okay, thats all for this post.

maybe you're the one for me.

11:53 PM

it's been almost a month since her death.
haiz. i miss the whole family atmosphere.

i just can't get it.
some people, complaining about their mums, nagging and nagging. blabla.
but hey, whatever, she's still your mum.
it's better to listen to her nags than NEVER at all.

if she's still here, at this period of time. 2nd week of puasa, like the previous years, i'll be helping her making kuih raya. but well..

my handphone line reached 21 months already. so liable for handphone. i'm currently using Nokia 6280. nice handphone, but yeah, gonna die already the hp. haha. anyone have any good hp suggestions to recommend me? i don't want iphone or N95. they suck. lol. is N81 good? i'm interested in that. rofl.

exams are finally over. insyallah, i can pass both papers. i don't wanna retain 6 months! :)

my class peeps are organising break fasting together this week. i also dunnoe whether i should go or not. just see the mood okay? haha.

i'm seriously have nothing to do sia during this holidays. everyday, since last monday, from 12am till 5am, i will go for online movie-marathon and watch Supernatural TV Show series. damn, i just love the Supernatural tv show. haha.

oh gosh. this is quite an old photo. during may, i think? lol. stole it from mira's friendster. heheh.

2 birthday boys. it should be 14 sep, yesterday. but oh well.
Happy 17th birthday to Rauf! (My soccer fanatic ex-secondary sch classmate)
Happy 17th birthday to Randy! (My great, funny ex-primary sch classmate)

alright. nothing else to post about.

cya!

oh tuhan ampunkan dosa ibuku
masukkan ia kedalam jannahmu
selamatkan ia dari nerakamu
terangi kuburnya dengan sinarmu

maybe you're the one for me.

12:25 AM

sorry for not updating lately. hehe.

my exams..
maths paper just now was manageable. though i could do even better if i had studied! haha.
forget all the formulae siols.
just hope i can pass the paper. :)

next up, quality engineering paper on wednesday. gosh, that's really hard. memorise 9 chapters in 2 days? i'll try. rofl.

after that, long holiday! 5 weeks!
but i'm still angry! about my hair! gosh, it's so short now siaa. :(
haha.

i still remember what my late mum always told me.
she said when i'm small last time, about 4-5 years old, everyday during break fast, when the song after the azan maghrib starts, i would always go on top of the table and dance2, shake2 my butt.

haha, serious mehh? i can't recall sia. lol. :)

time sure flies so fast. 1 week of fasting has passed. 2 more weeks to go.
but yeahh, i'm still not looking forward for raya.

nothing else to post.
so yeah, bye!

maybe you're the one for me.

10:45 PM

gosh.

my head is full of things.

this whole week, only me and my father are going to sahur together in the morning. all my 3 other siblings are sleeping at my auntie's house. that's not the worst part. and everyday, i've to break fast ALONE. my father, as usual, break fast with his marhaban mates like always. my father did asked me to follow him but i declined, i don't know why. well, just gonna stick breaking fast alone at home from now on.

i could follow my siblings and sleep at my auntie's house but i have school. they all are having holidays. but that's not the only reason, the other reason is that, i pity my father. if all of us are sleeping there, who's gonna be at home? only my father? gosh. hell no. so yeah..

my father asked me whether i want to buy new baju kurung anot. i refused. i just don't have the mood to celebrate this year's hari raya. maybe it's better if i stay at home during the whole hari raya.

i miss my mum.

i miss the times during puasa time,

followed her to geylang, to bedok, to interchange, to anywhere,

to buy food for breaking fast.

i miss the times when i helped her prepared the food for breaking fast.

i miss drinking the special teh susu made by her everyday during sahur time.

the hell gates are opened during this month and all the souls are allowed to go back to their respective homes. mum, i know you're watching me, somewhere in this house.

if only, i can hug you, very tightly again.

if only, i can lie on your lap again.

if only, i can laugh with you again.

if only, i can hear you sing again.

if only, i can help you make kuih raya together again.

mum..

and my first ever ITE exams will be on next week.

maths and quality engineering papers.

i'm seriously am gritting my teeth.

quality engineering exam, 9 chapters to learn. the whole book.

167 pages. oh my god..

and yeah, this is the bike i'm gonna get next year! maybe not this colour uhh. maybe blue or white? haha. ^^

maybe you're the one for me.

11:13 PM