my late mum just passed away just now in the morning.
at around 7.20am.
i was still sleeping, till my father woke me up and said she's fainted.
i went to her bedroom quickly. well, she's already passed on.
her body laid there lifeless.
i seriously don't know what to do. my head's spinning.
in about 5 mins, the ambulance came.
tried to revive her with CPR etc etc, but to no avail.
and she was confirmed dead.
tears rolled down my cheeks profusely.
i just can't seem to accept the fact that she's gone so fast.
I REGRET. i regret that i'm not by her side during her last breath.
i'm fortunate today. my today's PE lesson was cancelled.
if not, i would have been inside the bus on the way to school when my mum passed on.
my grandmother called everyone that she could to tell about my mum's death.
i stood beside her corpse, nothing more i could do, but to keep reciting prayers.
by 9+am, one by one, my uncles/aunties/cousins came.
by 10+am, the people who's in-charge of the burial came.
then, she was being bathed.
then the last part, time to kiss her forehead for the VERY LAST TIME.
i cried very hard. i can't seem to stop it. my grandma said to me, "don't cry, don't cry."
then kissed her forehead for the last time..
by 11+, boarded the bus to CCK Cemetery. all the way, i cried. seriously, i once told her in malay, i translated in english.
"mum, i'll be taking my motorcycle license next yr, and buy motorcycle after i passed, then i would take you around singapore, shopping with me on my bike."
she laughed, and replied,
"you still haven't even reach 18 & pass your motorcycle license, and you wanna talk about so much things. talk about this again when you're already got the license."
now, all is gone. everything's fated. everyone says, including her older sisters,
"zakir, she's still young, 45 yrs old only. we're all older than her, but she's the one who's gone first, she passed on too early."
reached the cemetery at 12.30pm, luckily it was only drizzling. the person whom is in-charge of the burial ask either me or my father to help carry the body into the grave. my father asked me to go do it. well, i agreed.
carried her, untied the corpse's knots, blabla, then went up.
then, the bulldozer go put ground soil ontop of the corpse.
recite prayers, once again, i cried profusely.
i don't even get to seek forgiveness from her, and she's already gone.
after the whole thing, boarded the bus again home.
at about 1.30pm, siddiq texted me that he's already under my block.
i called him and asked him to go up.
and i was very shocked to see the WHOLE of my class students, YM0804A came to visit.
around 18 people.
by 3+, they went home.
at 5.30pm, my former secondary school classmates came.
the 5N1's 2008/4N1 & 4N2 '2007. around 20+ people, i'm again, very shocked.
thanks lah to everyone for visiting me and the condolences. i really really appreciate it.
about my ITE classmates, they even skipped their lifeskills lesson to come and visit.
i'm speechless. seriously, thanks ah.
now, i bet my house will be quiet.
no more naggings.
no more complainings.
no more eating my favourite dishes cooked by her.
no more sharing stories with her.
no more going out together with her.
no more buying good food for us during puasa time.
i'd rather she nags at me everytime rather than NONE at all.
this year's rayer will be very different. awkward.
i just don't feel like about celebrating raya.
from now on, i really am gonna change.
so people, really, do cherish your mum, take care of her before it's too late.
haiz.
now i don't know what to do. my father will surely be in stress.
everyday must bring my small sister to school and take her home.
she's only 5 years old. i bet she knows that her mum's already gone.
but i think, it's also quite the right time for her to leave this earth.
i can't bear to see her in pain, groaning in pain everyday.
heard her cries everynight, she cannot sleep because of the pain.
i couldn't do anything, i wish i could.
mak, zakir sayang mak banyak-banyak.
zakir mintak maaf kalau ada buat ape-ape kesilapan dengan mak.
zakir akan doakan mak hari-hari.
zakir janji, zakir akan belajar rajin-rajin, jaga adik-adik dan ayah.
i will miss you mum, hope you're placed in heaven..
amin.
9:13 PM
